To sum it up

Update

Still don't know what we are going to do on the IVF option. My parent's are now paying half, and the ILs are paying the other half. We are truly blessed with a wonderful family.

Jodi Needs

I saw this game on another site, and decided to play. You put "Yourname Needs" on a search engine site (Like google) and post the top 10 results. Here are mine.
Jodi Needs;
1) deliverance from lust, unforgiveness, and the mental attacks (umm, sure)
2) someone experienced to work with her (yeah, like an RE or social worker?)
3) to excuse herself from the table, and leave through the nearest exit (Amen)
4) a ticket to ride (to rider what??)
5) a therapist much more than she needs a coach (probably. Although I could use both)
6) some fun (you can say that again!)
7) Support (yes, but thankfully I have it)
8) Help again (I think I'm beyond help )
9) a dog (got one. Don't need another one!)
10) to understand that it isn't all or nothing. (very true. this is a hard one for me)

Mine didn't turn out as funny as Larisa's. Still pretty silly though! The funny part was when I typed this into google, 3 other blogs playing the same game came up! Go figure!

Hmmm

Well, we have a lot to think about now. I am recouperating...slowly but surely. I can't get around on my own yet, but I will soon. I improve daily.
I received more shocking news. My ILs offered to pay for us to do IVF. I'm shocked. Finding out I was pregnant...well, I wanted it more than I ever realized...but I knew we couldn't afford IVF, so I knew it was my one and only pregnancy. Now, we have to decide if we want to accept their offer. I'm still grieving my baby, so I'm not 100% ready to make this decision yet. It's just so much to think about.
I think I want to do it, but I'm not sure E is convenced. I'll update as we journey through this decision. He is perfectly happy with adopting. I am too, but now that we have this offer I don't think I want to pass it up.
Too many hormones still in my system. As you can tell, I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle IVF...I think that is my biggest fear.
I just don't know what we will do...

And it still goes down hill...

Well, things went from bad to worse on Saturday. All day I had some cramping on my left side, but didn't think anything of it since the ectopic was on the right side. My bf brought over dinner, and we ate at about 6. At about 6:55 I went to the bathroom, and had some heavier spoting. At about 7 my back started really hurting, so I went back to the bathroom. On the walk from the couch to the bathroom the pain started spreading round my back to my hip. I got into the bathroom, and there was a ton of blood and huge clots (sorry TMI). The pain had radiated to my right abdomen...not a good sign. I paged my doctor. I was pale, shakey, sick to my stomach, and in a ton of pain. E called 911. My doctor called back and I told her E called 911. She said she would meet us at the hospital. The ff and paramedics were so nice. They told me I would be fine and got me hooked up to 2 ivs. I got 6cc morphine...I was very giddy off that! I talked a lot! Everyone said I was really funny! So, my dr met us in the ER, and I was then prepped for surgery. It was 7:45 when they wheeled me in for surgery. I woke up in recovery at midnight. They had to do a full incision (similiar to a c-section, but a little wider) to remove my right tube.I was hemmoraging and my tube was nearly burst. I was in a bad situation, it's a really good thing E called 911.
The first day after the surgery I was on a full liquid diet, and I had a morphine drip that I could press the button whenever I had pain. It was very nice, I was very comfortable. Monday, they took the morphine away. My pain was a little harder to manage with just vicodin and motrin, but I was doing ok. Then AF came. Can't I get a break?!
I came home Tuesday, and just rested. I'm now on 6 weeks of disability. I can't drive for 2 weeks, and E took 1 week of vacation to stay home with me.
I will never get pregnant again. My right tube was the only viable tube, and now it is gone. I'm ok though. I will adopt a baby that needs us way more than we needed this baby. I will miss experiencing being pregnant, but even if I had kept the tube, the chances of the same thing happening on my next pregnancy was 60%. I feel relief that I will never have to experience this kind of pain again. I am happy I got to experience what morning sickness, breast tenderness, and pg tiredness is like. I had all that. I'm ok with not having that again. Now, I just want to be a mom.

Shocking

I went to the dr on Wednesday. We discussed the spotting, and she decided to run some testing. One of which was a pregnancy test. It was positive. Can you say shocked? I called my hubby...he was shocked. I couldn't believe it...I mean literally. I had to go to the store and buy a test of my own. Sure enough, it was positive. She ran some blood work, and put my on progesterone to try to stop the spotting. We tell our parents and my best friend. Everyone is so excited they start crying. I'm crying. It's amazing. I proved the doctors wrong. I am pregnant.
Then Thursday comes around. My doctor calls about my bloodwork. My numbers are crazy. My hsg is 13,568. My progesterone, however, is 4.4. It should be at least 11. Bad news. She decides to do an ultrasound. I get to the doctors office at 4. The baby is no where to be found. She looks and looks, finally, there it is! I see the heart beat, the little body and head. Beautiful, I cry. Then, she says she can't tell where it is. It's either ectopic or it's really low by my cervix. She calls radiology at the local hospital and orders an immediate u/s. At 7:30 they tell me my beautiful baby, with the beautiful heartbeat, is ectopic.
I'm then rushed to the er. Luckily my wonderful doctor meets me there. The hubby calls our families, and my parents come out to get my car (he met me there from his work). My parents are crying. We are all so devistated.
My heart is broken. Nearly 3 years and all hope lost and I end up pregnant. Only to lose the baby.
They gave me a shot of Methotrex.ate. I'm on disability for 2 weeks. Because it's a chemotherapy drug, my white blood cells are very low and I have a chance of getting a very bad infection. Also, because the baby is still alive and growing, I have to remain on bed rest until it dies and my body can start getting rid of it. Otherwise my tube could still burst and cause me to have to have surgery.
I'm so devistated. My heart was so filled with joy and love for this baby, especially after seeing the heartbeat. Now I just have to wait for it to die. This is so not fair.

I am...

A bad blogger, I know that. I don't update enough. I don't have anything to update though! No news. House is still on the market so we can't progress with the adoption process. No sold house, no move.
On the positive side, we have another showing today. We are the most shown house that our realtor has listed...so why hasn't it freaking sold!?! I try to tell myself to be patient, with this market it just takes longer...but I'm not a patient person, so it's very hard!
On another note, I have managed to really piss off AF. She came on May 13, left on the 18th, then returned on the 23rd in the form of heavy spotting with occasional blood. Couldn't she just leave me alone? I'm STILL SPOTTING. Not cool. I have to go to the dr on Wednesday to see what kind of crap my body is doing to me this time. Frustrating. Can't my body just cooperate? I mean, it can't give me a baby, so can't it just do everything else right? Wouldn't that be the nice thing to do? grrr.
I'm so excited. I'm going Here next month. I won the trip on Wheel 0f F0rtune in December, and the show aired in March. I also won $10000 cash, it was so freaking awesome! I didn't post about it on here because I didn't want some freak to find my blog and watch me on tv...sorry to those who would have liked to watch it, it just wasn't worth the risk to me. I hope you all understand!
Also, I'm a freaking Greys Ana.tomy adict. I can't stop watching it! I started watching it this year, and had to borrow my friends copy of seasons 1 and 2 so I would be completely caught up. Now its off for the summer and I'm going through withdrawls. Come back already! :)
Well, I better get back to cleaning. I need a spotless house for the showing today. I'd say I'll try to post more, but I'm not really good at keeping that promise. I'll do my best...hopefully I'll have time to post on Thursday to update from my doctors appointment.
Oh yeah, Hell's Kitchen starts on Monday! I love that show! WooHoo!