Thursday, August 28, 2008


Well, I've been tagged by Laurie , one of my besties!

7 Odd things you may not know about me:

1) When I eat, I alternate bites on different sides of my mouth. It may be odd, but I like to give my teeth equal workouts!

2) I'm anal (and I mean anal) about my socks. I've mentioned this on here before, but if they aren't perfect, they dive me crazy. I've given by toes blisters trying to fix them after my shoes are already on.

3) I've never seen the Star Wars movies. I've seen episode 1, and that's it. Never the original 3.

4) I'm not really into video games. I like Super Mario type games. I can't get into the new stuff

5) I'm obsessed with football. I used to watch the draft, but was too busy this year. I LOVE football. I did before I met my hubby. I was just one of those girls that loved football.

6) I cannot eat the same thing every day. My hubby can eat the same thing every day, I have to have variety.

7) I'm the worlds worst procrastinator, but I'm also an overplanner. I want everything planned, I want to know what's going to happen at all times....but then I put the work off until the last minute. It's horrible!

I'm tagging Katie, Amanda, Heidi, and Holly. Four of my sorority sisters.
Also, Ruby, my other bestie!

Monday, August 25, 2008


Sometimes, still, when I find out someone is pregnant, and got pregnant so easily, it stings a bit. Sometimes a lot. It's not when someone who I am close to and love dearly gets pregnant. It's usually when it's a distant friend, someone I'm not close to, or a stranger. Or, when I'm at the doctor and the waiting room is full of very, very pregnant women. It's just a little ting of hurt. A little stab in the heart. Sometimes I just want to scream.

Will this ever go away? Will I ever stop feeling this way? Will getting my baby, and becoming a mom end this?
I really hope so.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

So Sad

Please read this, and join the boycott:


I had my follow-up appointment today. I'm feeling great. I go the answers I needed, and am feeling at peace with everything that happened. The dr told me that the risk of this happening again is very very small, so I feel much much better.

On another note...I'm coming out. So, Ruby and Laurie, my BFFs...welcome to my blog.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


Ok, so I'm finally starting to feel better. Thank God. I'm also starting to get over the why me feeling. Again, Thank God. I'm also very proud of the fact that I'm no longer on the heavy duty pain meds, and am only taking 600 mg of ibu.prohpin every 4 hours. Except last night. I took more than that last night to help me sleep. But, I am healing well. Going to the dr on Thursday for a followup appointment.

Well, I've been doing some serious debating. I'm thinking about "coming out" to my IRL friends. There are a few of you out there that know me in real life. But, this blog has always been anonomyous, and coming out to the whole real life world is a little scary. One of my best buddies has been asking me to start a blog, and I can't keep avoiding her forever.
It's not that I really have anything to hide, or that I've written anything bad about anyone, it's just that no one has ever known about this blog. I guess the more I write this, the more I see it's kind of silly to keep it a secret. So, I guess I'll be sharing this blog sooner or later.

I also realized that I neglected to let you all know that we are done with our appointments for the adoption. We are just waiting for our SW to finish typing up our home study, then we'll be on the waiting list. YAY!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

You have GOT to be kidding me.

This week has sucked total A$$. Let me tell you. On July 31st, I started having what I thought were really bad gas pains on my right side. Took some gas x, felt better, went about my day. Same thing on Friday. Saturday we went to Knotts and Disneyland, and by Saturday PM I was starting to feel worse. Sunday was really bad, so after church, we hiked our butts to the ER. After 14 hours, two tumors were found in my abdomen, looking like cysts attached to my ovaries. I was in serious pain, and on some serious pain meds. Stronger than morphine because, well, that just wasn't working. They admitted me to the hospital for pain management. They tumors were grapefruit sized on my right side, orange sized on my left side. Because they were cystic, they doctors weren't considering me urgent except to 1) 100% rule out cancer (see me freaking out here) and 2) to fix the pain
Tuesday they take me in for surgery. I have a verticle inscision from the belly button to my scar from my ectopic. The surgery found that the cycstic tumors were attached to the stub of my right fallopian tube, and my left fallopian tube. The doctors were able to remove both tubes, and save both ovaries. They originally thought they were going to have to remove both ovaries, which would have left the 29 year old me menopausal. So thankfully the tumors were on my tubes and saved my ovaries.
Wednesday, I spiked a fever of nearly 104. Thing went really ugly from there. The nurses were all jerks, putting me in a wheel chair from test to test. Hello?! I just had surgery and I am in excruciating pain, and you put me in a wheel chair! It was horrible. Thankfully I don't remember it all. I'm still having serious issues dealing emotionally with the pain of it.
Thursday was still pretty bad. Fever had subsided, but I was NOT trusting the nurses at all. They had to put the cathedar back in. That sucks. I highly DO NOT recommend having a cathedar inserted while awake!
Friday was a little better, but nurses were much nicer, and I was starting to be aware of things. They started weining me off the IV and I was able to eat more, even though I had no appetite and the food was, well, ick.Saturday, I got home at 5:30pm. A full week in the hospital.I'm healing, slowly but surely. Emotionally is another story. I am having a hard time dealing with the way my body is behaving. I'm also having a hard time accepting that this is a one time event, there is no reason to think that this will happen again. I know a lot of my fears stem from what happened on Wednesday night. The horrible nurses didn't leave me feeling much confidence in my health or in the medical field. I'm also having a really hard time with the "Why me". This isn't the kind of person I am, really, but I'm starting to see those feeling creep in, and it irritates me. I'm usually ok with everything. I know God is in control, I know that everything is in his plan, and I need to have faith in that. BUT, the why mes keep creeping into my mind. So many people have everything they have ever wanted in life...and my life has just been hell over the last few years.
So, emotionally, I'm still struggling quite a bit. Hopefully time will bring peace with these feelings, because I really hate them.
Oh yeah, and it was not cancer. I should find more peace in that than I do. I should be thankful. But right now, I'm just really angry with my body...