I just want to say..

2008 can kiss my ass. A lot of bad stuff happened in 08. There's been a few good things, but what I remember the most is the bad. It's been YEARS since I have finished a year and remembered all the good things. The last year was probably 2003. The last year before ttc. The last year before a string of negative pregnancy tests and endless months of disappointments. The last year before. The last year I was naieve. The last year I believed everything would be easy.
2009 WILL be better. I have a lot of hopes for this year. 2009 will end on a great note. I will not have health issues in 2009. I will become a mommy. I will enjoy time with my friends and family. I will get leaner and healthier.
Oh, and I will be 30 this year. Yikes! I new decade, a new beginning. Yes, 2009 here I come.

This time of year...

I've just got to give this off my chest. This time of year just sucks for us infertiles. I've been thinking a lot about the baby we lost. This would be his/her first Christmas. I asked my mom for no baby gifts for this reason...I'm still having a bit of a hard time with it. I feel the weight of my empty arms, and it sucks.
I'm praying and hoping this is the last year I have to go through this. My heart hurts, and I don't want this anymore. I want to joy back in my holidays...

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

This year, I have quite a few things to be thankful for.
1) My wonderful hubby. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would marry a man as wonderful as he is. When I was healing from my surgery, he cooked, cleaned, and took care of me, even when he looked so tired I thought he was done. Not too long ago he was sick, and he told me that he can't believe how strong I am, and he admires me for being so strong through all I've been through. I'm very thankful to have him.
2) I'm very thankful that we are finally on the adoption waiting list. We may still have a long wait ahead of us, but the point is we just have to wait. No more classes, no more meetings. Just waiting.
3) My friends. I seriously have the best friends a girl could ever hope for. Ruby and Laurie are my BFFs, and I am very thankful for them. I have met so many wonderful people in blog-land that I am thankful for too. I'm so grateful to have all the love and support of all my friends out there.
4) My family. I have a family that will drop everything at the drop of a hat to be here for me. I am a very lucky girl.
5) My health. And that I'm alive. I really believed when I was in the hospital that I was going to die. It is a horrible feeling. I hope that I never feel that again for at least 50 years! The thought of leaving my husband, family, and friends behind was the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. I am very thankful that I am still here and still healthy.

I've had a very rough year, but I'm very thankful for all the great things that have happened this year. I'm greatful that this year is almost over, and I'll be on to a bigger and better year next year.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Twilight

I watched the movie last night with the hubby. I was worried, I knew there were a few people that didn't like it much, and even though it got some great reviews, it also got some bad reviews too. And, Eric hadn't read the books, so I didn't know if the movie would make much sense.
So, we get to the theater 2 hours early, there's already a line. We get in line, and time actually psses pretty fast. It's pretty funny watching all the tween and teen girls so excited for a movie. It actually upped my excitement factor.
Once we were in the theatre and sitting down, and they dimmed the lights, the first round of squeals and cheers started. Then the credits start, and applause. The biggest chears, squeals, and applause where when we first saw Jacob, and when we first saw Edward. It was quite funny.
Let me just tell you. I'm one of those people who after 2 hours of a movie my butt starts to hurt and I'm ready for it to be over. That did not happen with this movie!
I loved every last minute of it and wasn't ready for it to end!!! It could have been 2 hours longer!
And when the movie was over. The theater ERUPTED in applause and cheers. I guess I wasn't the only one that enjoyed it. I've been in theaters before where they clapped at the end of a movie. I've never heard anything like this!!!

Things I loved the most:
1) Edward and Bella. Their enteractions. The way he acted when he first saw her. Then how they started to warm up to each other. My favorite lines from the book were spoken verbatium in the movie. "So the lion fell in love with the lamb." The discussion about his age. Most of the discussion about who he was. It was perfect!
2) The way they made him sparkle. I was worried that with the movie not having a huge budget, it would be glitter or something silly on his skin. It wasn't. It was beautiful. I loved it.
3) Alice. Alice has always been one of my favorite characters, and I just loved her in the movie. She was perfect, from her voice to her look to her personality. Loved her!
4) The kiss. Oh the kiss.
5) The fight between Edward and James. I realized when it was over that I was squeezing Erics arm! I've read the book twice, and it still got to me!
6) THE END!!!!! I loved the little way they tweaked it. This ending couldn't have happened in the book because the book wasn't from Bellas point of view and she would never have seen this. But it was AWESOME!!!!!

The only things I didn't really like:
1) Edward had hair on his chest. He's supposed to be smooth like marble. Not the end of the world, but I would have preferred it smooth.
2) They didn't explain Jaspers ability enough. One of my favorite parts in the book is when he can feel what Bella is feeling, and tells her "You are worth it". I wish that part would have been in there.

But seriously, if that is all I didn't like, you know how much I LOVED IT! I can't wait to see it again. I can't wait to buy it on DVD. AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE SEQUEL!!!!!!!! New Moon can't come fast enough!
And Eric liked it too! He even said he would watch it again. And he said he would have enjoyed it more if there weren't hundreds of squealing girls! LOL

So, what did you think if you saw it?

So much going on!

Ok, so I've been a bad blogger! I'd love a good descriptive post today, but no time. So, this is going to be bulleted and brief. Please forgive me.
1)Still obsessed with Twilight. I got 4 people at work obsessed with Twilight. I swear, it is crack in literary form.
2) I started Weight Watchers. I've just finished week 3, and I'm down 11.4. ROCK ON. I only have 40 left, but I can do this!
3) Today is our 6th anniversary. I never in a million years thought I would be married 6 years and not have any kiddos. This will be our last year childless. I am very hopeful because...
4) WE ARE FINALLY LICENSED!!!! Now, we just wait for the social worker to pick us for their kiddo. Keep your fingers crossed!

Hopefully you'll get a better post next time!

XOXO

TAGGED!

Yay! My A-Phi sister Leann tagged me, so here it goes:


{10 yEaRs Ago I ....}
1. was starting my second year of college
2. spent WAY to much time at the Brandin Iron, Cowboy Boogie, Incahoots, and Midnight Rodeo.
3. had just gone through a really messy breakup
4. was trying to figure out who I was...and where the hell my life was going
5. was getting ready to move out for the first time...for a very short period of time

{5 ThInGs On ToDaY's tO-dO-LiSt}
1. Return stuff to Target
2. Buy som Nyquil (sniff/cough)
3. read and approve our homestudy (YAY)
4. Check the newest Twilight news blogs (Yes! OBSESSED)
5. watch football. HELLO...it's monday!

{5 tHiNgS i WoUlD dO iF i WeRe A MiLliOnAiRe}
1. Buy a bigger house and fill it with kids
2. quit my damn job!
3. go on lots of vacations
4. help friends and family
5. put some away for the kids college tuition

{5 pLaCeS I'vE LiVeD}
1. Yucaipa, CA
2. San Bernardino, CA
3. That's it folks....I've only lived in 2 cities!
4.
5.

{5 JoBs I'vE Had}
1. Video store clerk
2. Candy store
3. Sold crap at Circuit City
4. Hostess
5. Several positions at my current job...the motorcycle store

OK - I'm tagging... Laurie, Ruby, Amanda, Kristi, and Angela
Have fun!

Done

I've finished the "Twilight" series. I just can't believe that's it. That's all there is. I'm craving more. I want to know more. I want to see what happens to the story in 5/10/20/200 years.
I honestly can't remember the last time I've had a book completely control my life like this has. I read 4 books in the last week, and can't wait to get them back so I can reread them. These books controlled my thoughts for the last week. I read every spare moment I had. I had dreams about the books. It's almost embarassing how much I am/was obsessed with these books.
The thing about it is this: Stephenie Meyer wrote these books so well that you almost believe that the characters are real. That they are really out there. That no matter how impossible it is, they are really living out there. She makes you connect to the characters, become attached to them. These books are just that great.

If you haven't read them yet, I highly recommend it. If you have, please tell me that I'm not crazy and you've felt this way to!!LOL

Ok, back to the authors website. Reading her interviews. It's actually interesting. I just can't let go yet :)

OMG...I cannot wait!!!!

I'm sorry, Jodi is not available right now...

She's been taken hostage by the Twilight saga. Seriously? I.CAN'T.FREAKING.STOP.
It's consumed the last 3 days of my life. I have read 1/2 the first book and all of the second book in the last 3 days. I'm on the 3rd book now. It's all consuming. It's all I can think of.
I EFFIN LOVE THESE BOOKS.

Ok, enough now. Back to reading.

Edited to add:
I did read the whole first book. The 1/2 I'm referring to is the second half! Ha!

Back to reading!

Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data.
H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.Action Steps:
Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.
GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word
Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.
GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.
Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."
GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.

So...

So, I'm back at work. They informed me on my first day back that I'm no longer a supervisor, so I'll be back to hourly instead of salary. I'm ok with the pay part (since my pay won't change, I just have to clock in), but my manager quit, so now there is no manager in my department. But, there is a new girl, from the store, who is friends with one of our gm's hubbys. If she gets the manager position, I'm seriously going to freak out. I've been with this company for almost 10 years. I'm damn good at my job. I deserve the management position. So, I'm trying to go day by day and not get ahead of mysel. But seriously...I'll be pissed.
So, once we get the baby, I'm done with this job. I'll find a new one. Because I'm tired of being treated like I don't matter by upper management.
The manager of the retail department that I'm customer service for told me he's so glad I'm back. That work has been hell since I've been gone. All the retail sales reps have given me hugs, and told me the place fell apart without me there. The all told me that I'm the best customer service rep they've ever had.
Upper management acts like it's only good I'm back because they are short handed. Not because I do a good job. So, it's nice to feel needed by your coworkers, but for upper management to treat me like that is just too much. I'm over it.
Pray we get our baby soon. Not just because I can't wait to be a mom. But because I need out of this job. It's been a rollercoaster ride for years, and I'm ready to get off...

Finally

I finally heard back from the nurse. Although the note says nothing about the weight restrictions I asked them to include. Jerks. I'm so irritated with this office, and I am very glad she is not my regular gyno. I asked for her to call me too, because I had a question for her. She never did. I'll call my regular doctor. I'm sure I'll get the answers I need from her! Jeez.
So, back to work at 7am tomorrow. 7-noon the rest of the week. Back to full time on Monday. I'll be glad to be back. Although I do like being able to visit people during the day. And see my hubby all but one day of the week. I've had lunch with him 6 out of 7 days for the last 6 weeks. I'm REALLY going to miss that. I'm going to miss him. I've been really spoiled. That is the only thing I'm sad about. Oh well. Back to real life.

2 Days

That's all I've got left...2 days. I (hopefully) go back to work on Wednesday. Hopefully because the dang doctor still hasn't called me back for my return to work release. She was off last week, but was supposed to be back on Friday. I'll call her in a couple hours. I'm really irked.
I was so bored....so damn bored...but now, that I am heading back to work, I'm bummed. Not because I don't want to go back to work, but because I had so much I wanted to do while I was off. I wanted to scrapbook. I wanted to visit friends and their babies, I wanted to visit my mom more for lunch. Now, I'm outta time. Go figure.
I am afraid I'll abandon my blog again. I'm afraid I won't have enough time, so I won't be able to post much. I'll try. I really want to try. I've enjoyed wriging so much over he last couple of weeks. Hopefully I'll be able to continue it.


********UPDATE************
Still haven't heard from the doctor. I called at 10am. It's now 5:30pm. Grrr. Will have to call AGAIN tomorrow...

Where were you?

Seven years ago today, my mom woke me up and told me to turn on the TV. My grandmother had passed away a few days before, and I was off work and school to attend her funeral. I was irritated because I had an hour left of sleep before I had to get up. Then, she told me a plane hit the World Trade Center. I thought she was crazy. It had to have been a horrible accident. Shortly after I turned on the TV, the second plane hit. I just cried. It was not an accident. I will never forget the horror I felt in that moment. The saddness. The worry for the people in the towers. The pain of the people who knew someone in the towers. The anger against the people who did it. Our world was forever changed. I think we all walked in a numb daze for weeks after that. Not understanding.
Less than 3 weeks before Eric and I started dating. After that moment, I never wanted to be away from him. It changed my outlook on life. I knew what I wanted, and now understood how delicate life is. My safe feeling was forever shattered. We were engaged just 2 short months later, and married a year after that. If 9/11 never happened, would things have happened that fast? Maybe, who knows. All I know was I didn't want to wait. And I wouldn't change anything.
I used to love to fly. Now, I notice everyone around me. Certain sounds scare me. It's not the same, and probably never will be. I still love to fly, but it just isn't the same.
Today, I have avoided watching the news. I guess today, even 7 years later, I want to avoid and deny the pain I feel. I can't imagine what the families must feel today. It is very, very sad.
I will never forget. I will always remember. I will some day tell my children about that day. Hopefully, the world will be a better safer place by then. All I know is, I will always remember what it was like before, and never forget what all those people went through on that day 7 years ago. And I will always be proud to be an American. IN GOD WE TRUST.

In/Un/Not Fertile.

Within the last year 2 of my in real life friends have confided in me their fertility issues. And I am so glad they had someone to confide in thats been there. BUT...

IT PISSES ME OFF. Seriously. Infertility pisses me off. It bull shit. It's crap. It should NEVER happen. I care about these two women very much. They shouldn't have to deal with it! When they told me...I cried. Not in front of them, but at home and for them. I wept. Shoulder shaking gasping for air sobbed for their pain.
I know what they are going through. Months of treatments. Meds that give hot flashes, cramping, moodiness. And months of complete total nearly unsurvivable heartache. If I could take it away from them and give them the babies they so desire, I would. In a heartbeat.

I remember reading in a book once, one of the many books I've read on dealing with infertility, and it states that everyone will beat it. Everyone will win. In one way or another. Whether it is by getting pregnant, adoption, surrogacy, or living child free, one way or another, you will be infertility.
While we haven't received our child. We are still waiting on the final draft of our homestudy to be on the waiting list. I feel like we are close. I feel like we've almost beat it. It's a good feeling.

I CAN'T wait for my friends to beat it. They read this blog, I don't know how often, but I know they read it. I want them to know I love them, and I'm pulling for them.

YOU WILL BEAT IT!

Doing well

I'm doing well, healing well. I'm going back to work 3 days earlier than originally planned. It's funny, as much as I have a love/hate relationship with work, I miss it. They even called yesterday to let me know they miss me and can't wait to have me back. Aww.
Monday was my first big day out since the surgery. My mom, Ruby and I went shopping. I hit the motherload! We first went to Gots/chalks. We found this dress I LOVED...but the tag said $134! Ok, some of you might be thinking "So". But, I just can't shop like that. I'm a bargain shopper, and just can't spend that much on clothes/shoes. So, my mom insisted I get it, because it said 60% off. It ended up being $37.99!!! I scored! I ended up with shorts, capris, a shirt, and 2 dresses for $125! Less than regular price of one dress! I got a bunch of other stuff because we are going on a cruise next month.. They are getting in all their fall/winter clothes so I had to get the summer clothes while I can!
We also finished the mural and painting of the babies room. We finished this over a month ago, but I just remembered to blog about it! Now we are shopping for furniture. We have limited space, so we are trying to find something that will fit nice in the room. We need a dresser/changing table combo, a crib, and a glider/rocker. We've found one we really like, but we need to look at a local store before we order it. We'll see. The picture above is the mural. I hope you all like it!!! I do! I can't wait to have the rest of the room in order. I don't want to spend the few days we have after a referral running around putting stuff together, so that will be one less thing to worry about. I'll try to remember to post a picture after we have the room all set up!
Other than that, nothing going on. Not much exciting to blog about when you sit on your butt watching TV and trying to heal!!!

Tagged

Well, I've been tagged by Laurie , one of my besties!

7 Odd things you may not know about me:

1) When I eat, I alternate bites on different sides of my mouth. It may be odd, but I like to give my teeth equal workouts!

2) I'm anal (and I mean anal) about my socks. I've mentioned this on here before, but if they aren't perfect, they dive me crazy. I've given by toes blisters trying to fix them after my shoes are already on.

3) I've never seen the Star Wars movies. I've seen episode 1, and that's it. Never the original 3.

4) I'm not really into video games. I like Super Mario type games. I can't get into the new stuff

5) I'm obsessed with football. I used to watch the draft, but was too busy this year. I LOVE football. I did before I met my hubby. I was just one of those girls that loved football.

6) I cannot eat the same thing every day. My hubby can eat the same thing every day, I have to have variety.

7) I'm the worlds worst procrastinator, but I'm also an overplanner. I want everything planned, I want to know what's going to happen at all times....but then I put the work off until the last minute. It's horrible!

I'm tagging Katie, Amanda, Heidi, and Holly. Four of my sorority sisters.
Also, Ruby, my other bestie!

Sometimes

Sometimes, still, when I find out someone is pregnant, and got pregnant so easily, it stings a bit. Sometimes a lot. It's not when someone who I am close to and love dearly gets pregnant. It's usually when it's a distant friend, someone I'm not close to, or a stranger. Or, when I'm at the doctor and the waiting room is full of very, very pregnant women. It's just a little ting of hurt. A little stab in the heart. Sometimes I just want to scream.

Will this ever go away? Will I ever stop feeling this way? Will getting my baby, and becoming a mom end this?
I really hope so.

So Sad

Please read this, and join the boycott:

http://www.thechaistory.blogspot.com/

Follow-Up

I had my follow-up appointment today. I'm feeling great. I go the answers I needed, and am feeling at peace with everything that happened. The dr told me that the risk of this happening again is very very small, so I feel much much better.

On another note...I'm coming out. So, Ruby and Laurie, my BFFs...welcome to my blog.

Randomness

Ok, so I'm finally starting to feel better. Thank God. I'm also starting to get over the why me feeling. Again, Thank God. I'm also very proud of the fact that I'm no longer on the heavy duty pain meds, and am only taking 600 mg of ibu.prohpin every 4 hours. Except last night. I took more than that last night to help me sleep. But, I am healing well. Going to the dr on Thursday for a followup appointment.

Well, I've been doing some serious debating. I'm thinking about "coming out" to my IRL friends. There are a few of you out there that know me in real life. But, this blog has always been anonomyous, and coming out to the whole real life world is a little scary. One of my best buddies has been asking me to start a blog, and I can't keep avoiding her forever.
It's not that I really have anything to hide, or that I've written anything bad about anyone, it's just that no one has ever known about this blog. I guess the more I write this, the more I see it's kind of silly to keep it a secret. So, I guess I'll be sharing this blog sooner or later.

I also realized that I neglected to let you all know that we are done with our appointments for the adoption. We are just waiting for our SW to finish typing up our home study, then we'll be on the waiting list. YAY!

You have GOT to be kidding me.

This week has sucked total A$$. Let me tell you. On July 31st, I started having what I thought were really bad gas pains on my right side. Took some gas x, felt better, went about my day. Same thing on Friday. Saturday we went to Knotts and Disneyland, and by Saturday PM I was starting to feel worse. Sunday was really bad, so after church, we hiked our butts to the ER. After 14 hours, two tumors were found in my abdomen, looking like cysts attached to my ovaries. I was in serious pain, and on some serious pain meds. Stronger than morphine because, well, that just wasn't working. They admitted me to the hospital for pain management. They tumors were grapefruit sized on my right side, orange sized on my left side. Because they were cystic, they doctors weren't considering me urgent except to 1) 100% rule out cancer (see me freaking out here) and 2) to fix the pain
Tuesday they take me in for surgery. I have a verticle inscision from the belly button to my scar from my ectopic. The surgery found that the cycstic tumors were attached to the stub of my right fallopian tube, and my left fallopian tube. The doctors were able to remove both tubes, and save both ovaries. They originally thought they were going to have to remove both ovaries, which would have left the 29 year old me menopausal. So thankfully the tumors were on my tubes and saved my ovaries.
Wednesday, I spiked a fever of nearly 104. Thing went really ugly from there. The nurses were all jerks, putting me in a wheel chair from test to test. Hello?! I just had surgery and I am in excruciating pain, and you put me in a wheel chair! It was horrible. Thankfully I don't remember it all. I'm still having serious issues dealing emotionally with the pain of it.
Thursday was still pretty bad. Fever had subsided, but I was NOT trusting the nurses at all. They had to put the cathedar back in. That sucks. I highly DO NOT recommend having a cathedar inserted while awake!
Friday was a little better, but nurses were much nicer, and I was starting to be aware of things. They started weining me off the IV and I was able to eat more, even though I had no appetite and the food was, well, ick.Saturday, I got home at 5:30pm. A full week in the hospital.I'm healing, slowly but surely. Emotionally is another story. I am having a hard time dealing with the way my body is behaving. I'm also having a hard time accepting that this is a one time event, there is no reason to think that this will happen again. I know a lot of my fears stem from what happened on Wednesday night. The horrible nurses didn't leave me feeling much confidence in my health or in the medical field. I'm also having a really hard time with the "Why me". This isn't the kind of person I am, really, but I'm starting to see those feeling creep in, and it irritates me. I'm usually ok with everything. I know God is in control, I know that everything is in his plan, and I need to have faith in that. BUT, the why mes keep creeping into my mind. So many people have everything they have ever wanted in life...and my life has just been hell over the last few years.
So, emotionally, I'm still struggling quite a bit. Hopefully time will bring peace with these feelings, because I really hate them.
Oh yeah, and it was not cancer. I should find more peace in that than I do. I should be thankful. But right now, I'm just really angry with my body...

So many things, so little time to blog about it...

Wow, so much has happened in the last month. We finished our second meeting (YAY!). A meeting that normally lasts an hour for most people only lasted 15 minutes for me. She said I had a very perfect and normal childhood (who knew?) and had nothing to pick on me for. She also said that I answered all the homework questions very completely, so it left nothing for her to ask me. Yay me! She still loves us, and can't wait for us to be finished. Hopefully that means she finds us a placement sooner, but we'll see. Our final appointment is July 9...18 days! I can't believe we are almost done and on the waiting list. So exciting.

So, I have had something to blog about for over a month now, but haven't. Part of it is because I know that many of you out there, especially the infertiles, will gasp at what I have done. The other part is because myself, as an infertile, partially feels like I may have jumped the gun and jinxed us. I have been seriously against bringing ANYTHING baby into my house...until now. After meeting with our social worker, I know we are finally on the path to being parents. So....................................

I had a baby shower...
Yes, a real baby shower, with cakes, and gifts. It was fun, and amazing, and completely surreal. It was WONDERFUL. We and the baby were so spoiled. But, I've been horrible. It's been a month and I haven't written my thank you's! There are next to me on the couch now, and they will be done tonight. But, after the shower we have been non stop! I haven't had one night at home, or one weekend without a million plans since the shower! I feel horrible about it. I hope everyone doesn't hate me now!
So, the reason I had the shower so early is because 1) I know we will get a child in the near future, 2) I'm a over planner and need to know what we'll need to buy once we get our placement, and most importantly 3) With all the unknowns ahead of us, I needed to feel prepared. We now have car seats, strollers, bedding, toys, blankets, bath goodies, diaper bags...all the most important things we will need, with the exception of the furniture. I feel so ready now. And not at all sad about the empty nursery, which was the only thing our social worker was worried about. When I told her I love seeing a room ready for a baby, she said, "See, that is why I love you!" Aww.

We've also finally picked out the bedroom furniture! It's way cute, and I'm way excited about it! We've had a really hard time deciding what we like, and what to get...but today we picked it.

We also couldn't decide on the furniture because we were thinking we might go with two children. But, after a lot of talking and weighing options and finances, we decided that one at a time is probably best. Mainly because of finances. We know that paying for daycare will be a big change for us, but paying for 2 kiddos in daycare is really going to be a shocker. So, we are going to start with one.

So now we are going to work on getting the room ready. We got the cutest mural, so we need to paint that and the rest of the walls. Then, we are going to buy the furniture. And I'll post some pictures.

I'm so full of exciting joy. It's been a really long time since I've felt this happy. This month was the one year anniversary of our loss. It was a lot harder for me than the due date. I had a lot of tears, but I think the thing that brought me through it was knowing that our child will be with us soon. Whether that is 6 months or a year from now, it will happen. And knowing that made the anniversary of the loss no less hard, but easier to get through.

Things are finally looking up...

Seriously?

Our SW had a death in the family...outside the country...
I'm so bummed that our homestudy is being pushed back ANOTHER month. I know these things happen...and I feel bad for our SW and bad for being disappointed. But, I thought we would be done by then...and now we will still have our last meeting. So, 2 more months.
UGH. Please let this be our only set back!!!

We are....

LICENSED!!!

We got it in the mail.
Once we finish the home study (in about a month) we will just be waiting. I'm beyond words right now I'm so happy.
I never thought this day would come.

So happy...

Almost Done!!!

Wow, it has been too long since I've updated you all! Sorry!!!
Time sure flies when you are busy. And that we have been. We've spent a long time in classes, and doing homework for those classes. And we are DONE!
We had our first Licensing appointment. That is where they come out and check your home to make sure it is good enough for the baby. The house itself passed, but the garage and back yard didn't. So, we had to move some stuff around and throw some stuff away. She'll be out again on Thursday, then we will officially be LICENSED! Yay!
Also on Thursday, we start our homestudy. This one is a little scary. We've been warned that it is a very intense appointment. They interview us. No biggie. But they dig deep. Really deep. They ask you personal information about your life growing up, your family, your health, your marriage. It's kinda scary, but we have nothing to hide. Also, they are going to dig pretty deeply into the issue of our infertility and the pregnancy loss we experienced. The reason for that is they want to make sure that you are at peace with what has happened, they don't want you adopting to try to replace the child you could have had. Which we aren't. We are adopting to be parents to a child who needs us, not to replace the child we couldn't have. So we are prepared for their questions.
Also, the most exciting part. We are licensed for 2. Yes, we might be crazy, but we are thinking about the possiblity of taking on siblings. This is not something we are decided about, but something we are tossing around. We are sure we are open for twins, it's just the siblings we are trying to decide about....I'll try to update again after our appointments next Thursday! Wish us luck!!!

Time Sure Flys

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted. We have been so busy, I just didn't realize...
We are DONE with classes! And all our paperwork has been turned in, except our CPR cards. We are waiting for their arrival in the mail.
Now, we wait for the home study. It's quite nerve wracking...having someone come into our home to tell us if we are good enough to be parents. BUT, it will all be worth it when our adoption is final and we are parents at last. Say a prayer it goes well.

To ME and Steve - my heart goes out to you. My prayers are always with you as you heal and always.

I've come to realize

Katie inspired me to do this

I've come to realize that, I talk: more about the negative than the positive lately.

I've come to realize that, I love: my life, even if it is really hard right now.

I've come to realize that, I have: a great husband, great friends, and great family.

I've come to realize that I've lost: my fertility, but not my life.

I've come to realize that, I hate how: some people take their fertility for granted.

I’ve come to realize that, Marriage is: one of the things that I can't live without. It's gotten me through the hardest times.

I've come to realize that, somewhere, someone is thinking: that they miss me

I've come to realize that, I'll always have: my wonderful husband and family

I've come to realize that, The last time I truly cried: was a couple of days ago, because my baby was due on the 18th.

I've come to realize that, My cell phone: is like a leash, it's always on my hip.

I've come to realize that, When I wake up in the morning: I really don't want to get up!

I've come to realize that, Before I go to sleep at night I: don't say my prayers like I used to.

I've come to realize that, Right now I am thinking about: all the stuff I need to get done for our adoption.

I've come to realize that, Babies: are a precious gift. And I can't wait until we get ours.

I've come to realize that, I get on myspace: every day, but that is one of the ways I keep in touchith my friends.

I've come to realize, that today: will be great. I get to watch my nephew!

I've come to realize, that tonight I will: enjoy the time with my hubby before he goes back to school

I've come to realize that, college was:The BEST time of my life!

I've come to realize that, Tomorrow I will: go to work, once again, and try to enjoy it.

I've come to realize that, I really want: a child...or two

I've come to realize that my last kiss: was from my hubby when he was leaving for work.

Help

Hey all, I'm doing a walk for March of Dimes in April. If you can/want to, please sponsor me.
The link is:

http://www.marchforbabies.org/jodi111602