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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Setback

Ok, so I thought I was doing ok. I've had married friends tell me they are pg and I'm fine, I'm genuinely happy for them. Then, yesterday, one of my employees who is 18 and in high school, tells me she is pg. My first thought was what the hell? This isn't fair. She is totally excited, but I don't know if she has fully realized what she has coming to her. I broke down crying last night, and E comforted me.
I didn't expect this, especially when I've been ok when everyone else got pg. But this girl, it threw me for a loop. I've taken it hard. So, I had therapy last night...SHOE SHOPPING. :) It's funny, but I do feel better now. I'm just scared of seeing her again today. I'm scared of watching her tummy grow with life, while mine never will. God, grant me the strength to get through this.

3 comments:

Legaleagle said...

Hello. I found your blog on the Taiwan Treasure Blogroll, and this entry made me cry.

I went through menoupause (at least, according to the doctors) five years ago -- when I was 19. And you're right, it's not fair when seemingly undeserving people get pregnate. It's not fair that this 18 year old has no idea how a baby will impact her life and she gets one. And it's not fair that she is going to be a high school statistic.

You mentioned adoption in your previous blog, so I'll share something with you that my GYN said to me after discussing my options and specifically talking about adoption.

He said, "The good thing about adoption is that you get to save a child. You get to be the ultimate parent and pull that child from the jaws of cruelty. You fufill the need to be a parent by fufilling a child's need to be loved. And the world is right again."

It's hard not to resent those who are in over their head and don't know it, like your employee. But, as a fellow shoe lover, shoe shopping is ALWAYS good therapy.

Good luck on your adventure on the road to being a parent.

Karen (from BBC) said...

*hugs* I'm sorry, sweetie. I wish I was nearby so we could shoe shop together!! I hate the feeling of being truly happy for someone because they'll be experiencing such a miracle but at the same time wanting to punch them or at least a pillow lol because (this is the worst to me) I deserve it more than them. That's what it boils down to I guess. It's not fair...you most likely do deserve a baby sooo much more than this child (she is still a child in this case at 18!) but it feels icky to feel that way. At least to me it does. So I empathize. Even though I briefly carried my baby and am still reassured by everyone that I will carry my own baby to term someday (remains to be seen), I know how awful it feels to hear about those who don't "deserve" it getting what we so desperately want!

June said...

I'm sorry. *hugs* I can see you are going to be a wonderful mom!