Thursday, August 03, 2006

Oh, how things change

Something I wasn't expecting to feel just days after the adoption orientation...and unbelievable desire to have my own child, and to experience pregnancy. I never expected to feel that. Neither did E. I think he even feels it more than I do. So, we decided that we will call the re and see if we can do the IUI, which, before yesterday, my doctor thought we would have a great chance at.
Then comes yesterday. I had my surgery (laparoscopy) due to my (mis)diagnosis in highschool of endometriosis. My dr thought she could clear it up and we would be able to get pg on our own or with IUI. So, yesterday I have the surgery, and got unbelievable disappointing news. I do not have endometriosis, what I have is a huge amount of scar tissue from a pelvic infection. When did I have this infection? No clue. I have no idea when this happened. The doctor said it could have been a number of things, I'll probably never know.
The result? My right ovary is fused to the abdominal wall, and could not be removed. My right tube is open and clear...but the chances of an egg making it in there is pretty slim. My left ovary is free, but is covered in scar tissue, and so is my left tube.There is a small opening, but again, chances of an egg making it in there is very slim.
Our best option is IVF. Something I never thought I would do, but is now all I can think about it. How are we going to pay for that though? I just don't know. My heart isn't in adoption, so I just don't know what to do now.
As for my surgery. I have three small incisions that hurt like hell. I'm also very crampy. I'm to remain immoble today and tomorrow, I can start moving around again on Saturday.
I'm just not feeling all that great. Pretty depressed. When I first thought about adoption, I thought I would end up being one of those girls that adopted and ended up pg within a few months. Now I know that's not possible. And my heart is breaking. I'm going to have to learn to accept that I won't just get pregnant. That sucks.
So, I will be making an appointment with a re this week. And see where this journey will take us next. Please pray for us. We need all the prayers we can get right now.


Larisa said...

Sorry I haven't kept up with you - and terribly sorry about the news from your surgery.

If you want to "talk" - you know where to find me - I *know* that deep desire.

In Due Time said...

I am sorry about the news with the surgery. Hope you feel better from it soon sweetie. Hugs.

Email me when you get a chance twocrazyturtles aaaattttt msn ddddoootttt com

Ann said...

I am so sorry about your surgery results. I know all too well how it feels to get news like this. You have to follow your heart on this, whether you try IVF or eventually decide to adopt. Do what feels right in your heart. The only right answer is what you feel. I will be thinking of you during this time.

Anonymous said...

Oh Sweetie *HUGS* to you! I'm so sorry! I think adoption is an amazing thing to do but I know only too well the deep desire to have a baby of your own from your own body. I know I'm struggling with feeling like almost less of a woman or complete woman because of my (as of yet) inability to carry a child to term. I guess it was some consolation to conceive but I think it must be so amazing to know that child in your body. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know someone out there hears where you're coming from. Feel free to email me if you need to talk! I know you and your dh will do what's right for your family in the end...whatever it is!

Timea said...

I'm so sorry Jodi for that news.

I'm glad you know what your heart is telling you, which is that you want a bio-child, but I am really sorry that it will be a difficult road. I'm really sorry though that your heart isn't in adoption anymore. But you have to do what feels right, and if going down the IVF path is the way to go, then that is what you have to do.

I myself was one step away from the IVF route, so I know how anxious you can be from the costs. I know that there were a lot of brochures about IVF financing though. And a lot of RE's have a plan were if you pay for 2 cycles, the third one is free.

E-mail me whenever you want if you have any questions or just want to talk. I'll be thinking about you


Monkey said...

So sorry about the news. Give yourself some time to make this decision. Good luck.

Kristina said...

Hey girl - I've been reading up on your blog. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know you will be able to figure things out whether's it's adoption or IVF. If IVF, start asking the parents for money (not loans! hehe), home equity, second jobs?? My girlfriend is doing IVF in September and dang, is it expensive! My Dad adopted with his wife, and they have totally cute twins now although that was expensive too! I love your new blog though, it's on my RSS list now! xoxoxoox