Thursday, June 29, 2006

What's worse?

So, one of the girls from another board I visit miscarried today, and my heart is breaking for her.
I realized that, even though it was harding letting go fo the thought of ever getting pregnant, that is easier then getting pregnant and losing the child you love with all your heart.
I am counting my blessings that I won't ever have to experience such an extreme pain.

On a positive note. I got another shower invitation today. This one is a bridal shower though. It's going to be weird. Its for a girl that is marrying this guy I grew up with that is like my big brother. She is a couple years younger then me, and was always this big dork. She was even in my girl scout troup. It's just weird to see her and T together. Odd. I'm actually a little nervous about going to the shower, but one of my best friends is Ts sister, and my mom will be there. I just don't really know this girl all that well anymore. But, like I said, T is like my big brother. So I'll go.

I also picked out the gift I'm getting for the young pg cousin. I can't go to the shower because we are going out of town, but I really wanted to get her a gift. I'm sending her the bath tub she registered for. I figure, the more pratical the better!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Are you serious?

So yesterday I go to get the mail...and get a baby shower invitation from E's 20y/o cousin. So, I'm happy for her, but a little sad. I really want to give his grandma her first great grandchild. I'm also worried about his cousin. She is very young, and ran to the alter because she was pg. I hope everything works out for her.
That an my 45y/o cousin being pg just boggles my mind. I can't help but wonder why not me, but I know that God has a plan for us, and I just have to trust that.
On the plus side, we have officially made plans to go to the adoption orientation on July 26th. So, hopefully we will have our child in the next year! I am so excited to learn more about the process. We will be adopting through the county, and the children range from newborn to teenagers. They even have it like through private agency's where the birth mother picks you. Luckily, you don't have to pick an older child already in foster care. We want to do that eventually, but we want to start with a baby. Plus, private adoption can get pretty expensive, and through the county it is nearly free. The babies are usually drug babies, so they do require special attention and love...something I have been storing up for the last 21 months since we started trying for a baby.
Hopefully I am able to maintain my patience through this process.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Why I chose this title?
When life gets you down, don't give up, just keep swimming. I think that is very appropriate for me right now. Just keep swimming...

So, why did I start this blog? 21 months ago we started trying for a baby with no luck. Last fall, we started testing to find out why. Turns out, there are no problems with him, just me. I don't ovulate regularly, and the eggs aren't mature when I do release them. Seems minor, but after 5 months of clomid, no luck.
My doctor wants us to try IUI, but that's just not for me. I'm don't want to do more testing, and go to the dr constantly, just to concieve on a doctors table. It's just not for me. Nothing against anyone who does that...I admire your strength and determination. I don't have the strength to undergo all those doctors visits, and more disappointment.
So, we are moving on. We have decided to adopt. Starting a new journey. This blog is to keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings, and to keep track of what is happening in the adoption process.
Wish us luck!