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Sunday, July 29, 2007

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown

1 comments:

Angela said...

Hello,

I came across your blog through Kristi's blog, and I read your most recent entry. I hope you don't mind. I cried and cried after reading it, because I know what you are going through. I just went through it myself on August 13 - our situations are a little different, but at the same time very similar.

I am so sorry about what happened. I'm sure you're as sick of the "I'm sorry's" as I am (even though they're all said with good intent, of course), but still...coming from someone who knows what you're going through, I truly am sorry.

I hope you don't mind, but I see that the entry you put up was written by "anonymous", so I was thinking of posting it on my blog, too. If that's not okay, let me know. It really touched me though, and expressed everything I feel.

If you want to, you can read my blog at www.BabyCarpio.com. I have since stopped writing in it - while healing, I actually put up some other entries on www.AccordingToAngela.com, but I think I will post this in my Baby blog.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Right now, nothing anyone says can ever make you truly feel better, but just know that there are a few of us out there who understand.

All my best,
Angela