Seriously?

I swear. I can't catch a break.
Our doggie had to have surgery yesterday. He blew a ligment in his leg and had to have major surery to replace it. He'll be in one of thos collar things for 2 weeks until the stapels come out.

He'll be confined to his crate for 60 days while he heals. It's horrible. This morning he was trembling and shaking from the pain. Now he's heavily sedated and on lots of pain meds.

It's heartbreaking. He's so out of it, and in so much pain. He peed on the carpet about an hour ago because he wasn't steady enough to walk outside, then he just flopped over on the ground.

The surgery wasn't optional, he wouldn't walk on the leg, but it still breaks my heart.
Oh, and he still won't eat, so I have to shove his pills down his throat.

My mom said this all proves I'll make a wonderful mom because I'm doing whatever I can, even if it hurts me, to make him more comfortable and better. I hope she's right, because this is what comes natural. I don't have to think about it, I just do it.

I've cried off and on all day because he'll wince or whine. How am I going to watch my baby in major pain for 60 days?! Ugh

I got a blogger award!

I got my first blogger award! The Lemonade Stand from the lovely Leann. Yay!



Isn't it cute?

So the rules are as follows:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show GREAT ATTITUDE and/or GRATITUDE!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.
So, in no particular order:
Laurie
Ruby
Amanda
Holly
Heidi
In Due Time
According to Angela
The Waiting Womb
Life...It's nothing like the brochure
Ramblings of Kristibug

Have fun.

Oh, funny story about me.

A couple of weeks ago, E and I went to the gym afterwork. Walked for an hour on the treadmill. Had a good workout. The gym was PACKED.
I get home, and my tank top is on inside out. DOH! Tag out and all. Jeez.

I don't usually post jokes, but...

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a
herd of sheep. .

Now give me back my dog.

I just want to say..

2008 can kiss my ass. A lot of bad stuff happened in 08. There's been a few good things, but what I remember the most is the bad. It's been YEARS since I have finished a year and remembered all the good things. The last year was probably 2003. The last year before ttc. The last year before a string of negative pregnancy tests and endless months of disappointments. The last year before. The last year I was naieve. The last year I believed everything would be easy.
2009 WILL be better. I have a lot of hopes for this year. 2009 will end on a great note. I will not have health issues in 2009. I will become a mommy. I will enjoy time with my friends and family. I will get leaner and healthier.
Oh, and I will be 30 this year. Yikes! I new decade, a new beginning. Yes, 2009 here I come.

This time of year...

I've just got to give this off my chest. This time of year just sucks for us infertiles. I've been thinking a lot about the baby we lost. This would be his/her first Christmas. I asked my mom for no baby gifts for this reason...I'm still having a bit of a hard time with it. I feel the weight of my empty arms, and it sucks.
I'm praying and hoping this is the last year I have to go through this. My heart hurts, and I don't want this anymore. I want to joy back in my holidays...

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

This year, I have quite a few things to be thankful for.
1) My wonderful hubby. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would marry a man as wonderful as he is. When I was healing from my surgery, he cooked, cleaned, and took care of me, even when he looked so tired I thought he was done. Not too long ago he was sick, and he told me that he can't believe how strong I am, and he admires me for being so strong through all I've been through. I'm very thankful to have him.
2) I'm very thankful that we are finally on the adoption waiting list. We may still have a long wait ahead of us, but the point is we just have to wait. No more classes, no more meetings. Just waiting.
3) My friends. I seriously have the best friends a girl could ever hope for. Ruby and Laurie are my BFFs, and I am very thankful for them. I have met so many wonderful people in blog-land that I am thankful for too. I'm so grateful to have all the love and support of all my friends out there.
4) My family. I have a family that will drop everything at the drop of a hat to be here for me. I am a very lucky girl.
5) My health. And that I'm alive. I really believed when I was in the hospital that I was going to die. It is a horrible feeling. I hope that I never feel that again for at least 50 years! The thought of leaving my husband, family, and friends behind was the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. I am very thankful that I am still here and still healthy.

I've had a very rough year, but I'm very thankful for all the great things that have happened this year. I'm greatful that this year is almost over, and I'll be on to a bigger and better year next year.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Twilight

I watched the movie last night with the hubby. I was worried, I knew there were a few people that didn't like it much, and even though it got some great reviews, it also got some bad reviews too. And, Eric hadn't read the books, so I didn't know if the movie would make much sense.
So, we get to the theater 2 hours early, there's already a line. We get in line, and time actually psses pretty fast. It's pretty funny watching all the tween and teen girls so excited for a movie. It actually upped my excitement factor.
Once we were in the theatre and sitting down, and they dimmed the lights, the first round of squeals and cheers started. Then the credits start, and applause. The biggest chears, squeals, and applause where when we first saw Jacob, and when we first saw Edward. It was quite funny.
Let me just tell you. I'm one of those people who after 2 hours of a movie my butt starts to hurt and I'm ready for it to be over. That did not happen with this movie!
I loved every last minute of it and wasn't ready for it to end!!! It could have been 2 hours longer!
And when the movie was over. The theater ERUPTED in applause and cheers. I guess I wasn't the only one that enjoyed it. I've been in theaters before where they clapped at the end of a movie. I've never heard anything like this!!!

Things I loved the most:
1) Edward and Bella. Their enteractions. The way he acted when he first saw her. Then how they started to warm up to each other. My favorite lines from the book were spoken verbatium in the movie. "So the lion fell in love with the lamb." The discussion about his age. Most of the discussion about who he was. It was perfect!
2) The way they made him sparkle. I was worried that with the movie not having a huge budget, it would be glitter or something silly on his skin. It wasn't. It was beautiful. I loved it.
3) Alice. Alice has always been one of my favorite characters, and I just loved her in the movie. She was perfect, from her voice to her look to her personality. Loved her!
4) The kiss. Oh the kiss.
5) The fight between Edward and James. I realized when it was over that I was squeezing Erics arm! I've read the book twice, and it still got to me!
6) THE END!!!!! I loved the little way they tweaked it. This ending couldn't have happened in the book because the book wasn't from Bellas point of view and she would never have seen this. But it was AWESOME!!!!!

The only things I didn't really like:
1) Edward had hair on his chest. He's supposed to be smooth like marble. Not the end of the world, but I would have preferred it smooth.
2) They didn't explain Jaspers ability enough. One of my favorite parts in the book is when he can feel what Bella is feeling, and tells her "You are worth it". I wish that part would have been in there.

But seriously, if that is all I didn't like, you know how much I LOVED IT! I can't wait to see it again. I can't wait to buy it on DVD. AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE SEQUEL!!!!!!!! New Moon can't come fast enough!
And Eric liked it too! He even said he would watch it again. And he said he would have enjoyed it more if there weren't hundreds of squealing girls! LOL

So, what did you think if you saw it?

So much going on!

Ok, so I've been a bad blogger! I'd love a good descriptive post today, but no time. So, this is going to be bulleted and brief. Please forgive me.
1)Still obsessed with Twilight. I got 4 people at work obsessed with Twilight. I swear, it is crack in literary form.
2) I started Weight Watchers. I've just finished week 3, and I'm down 11.4. ROCK ON. I only have 40 left, but I can do this!
3) Today is our 6th anniversary. I never in a million years thought I would be married 6 years and not have any kiddos. This will be our last year childless. I am very hopeful because...
4) WE ARE FINALLY LICENSED!!!! Now, we just wait for the social worker to pick us for their kiddo. Keep your fingers crossed!

Hopefully you'll get a better post next time!

XOXO

TAGGED!

Yay! My A-Phi sister Leann tagged me, so here it goes:


{10 yEaRs Ago I ....}
1. was starting my second year of college
2. spent WAY to much time at the Brandin Iron, Cowboy Boogie, Incahoots, and Midnight Rodeo.
3. had just gone through a really messy breakup
4. was trying to figure out who I was...and where the hell my life was going
5. was getting ready to move out for the first time...for a very short period of time

{5 ThInGs On ToDaY's tO-dO-LiSt}
1. Return stuff to Target
2. Buy som Nyquil (sniff/cough)
3. read and approve our homestudy (YAY)
4. Check the newest Twilight news blogs (Yes! OBSESSED)
5. watch football. HELLO...it's monday!

{5 tHiNgS i WoUlD dO iF i WeRe A MiLliOnAiRe}
1. Buy a bigger house and fill it with kids
2. quit my damn job!
3. go on lots of vacations
4. help friends and family
5. put some away for the kids college tuition

{5 pLaCeS I'vE LiVeD}
1. Yucaipa, CA
2. San Bernardino, CA
3. That's it folks....I've only lived in 2 cities!
4.
5.

{5 JoBs I'vE Had}
1. Video store clerk
2. Candy store
3. Sold crap at Circuit City
4. Hostess
5. Several positions at my current job...the motorcycle store

OK - I'm tagging... Laurie, Ruby, Amanda, Kristi, and Angela
Have fun!

Done

I've finished the "Twilight" series. I just can't believe that's it. That's all there is. I'm craving more. I want to know more. I want to see what happens to the story in 5/10/20/200 years.
I honestly can't remember the last time I've had a book completely control my life like this has. I read 4 books in the last week, and can't wait to get them back so I can reread them. These books controlled my thoughts for the last week. I read every spare moment I had. I had dreams about the books. It's almost embarassing how much I am/was obsessed with these books.
The thing about it is this: Stephenie Meyer wrote these books so well that you almost believe that the characters are real. That they are really out there. That no matter how impossible it is, they are really living out there. She makes you connect to the characters, become attached to them. These books are just that great.

If you haven't read them yet, I highly recommend it. If you have, please tell me that I'm not crazy and you've felt this way to!!LOL

Ok, back to the authors website. Reading her interviews. It's actually interesting. I just can't let go yet :)

OMG...I cannot wait!!!!

I'm sorry, Jodi is not available right now...

She's been taken hostage by the Twilight saga. Seriously? I.CAN'T.FREAKING.STOP.
It's consumed the last 3 days of my life. I have read 1/2 the first book and all of the second book in the last 3 days. I'm on the 3rd book now. It's all consuming. It's all I can think of.
I EFFIN LOVE THESE BOOKS.

Ok, enough now. Back to reading.

Edited to add:
I did read the whole first book. The 1/2 I'm referring to is the second half! Ha!

Back to reading!

Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data.
H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.Action Steps:
Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.
GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word
Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.
GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.
Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."
GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.

So...

So, I'm back at work. They informed me on my first day back that I'm no longer a supervisor, so I'll be back to hourly instead of salary. I'm ok with the pay part (since my pay won't change, I just have to clock in), but my manager quit, so now there is no manager in my department. But, there is a new girl, from the store, who is friends with one of our gm's hubbys. If she gets the manager position, I'm seriously going to freak out. I've been with this company for almost 10 years. I'm damn good at my job. I deserve the management position. So, I'm trying to go day by day and not get ahead of mysel. But seriously...I'll be pissed.
So, once we get the baby, I'm done with this job. I'll find a new one. Because I'm tired of being treated like I don't matter by upper management.
The manager of the retail department that I'm customer service for told me he's so glad I'm back. That work has been hell since I've been gone. All the retail sales reps have given me hugs, and told me the place fell apart without me there. The all told me that I'm the best customer service rep they've ever had.
Upper management acts like it's only good I'm back because they are short handed. Not because I do a good job. So, it's nice to feel needed by your coworkers, but for upper management to treat me like that is just too much. I'm over it.
Pray we get our baby soon. Not just because I can't wait to be a mom. But because I need out of this job. It's been a rollercoaster ride for years, and I'm ready to get off...

Finally

I finally heard back from the nurse. Although the note says nothing about the weight restrictions I asked them to include. Jerks. I'm so irritated with this office, and I am very glad she is not my regular gyno. I asked for her to call me too, because I had a question for her. She never did. I'll call my regular doctor. I'm sure I'll get the answers I need from her! Jeez.
So, back to work at 7am tomorrow. 7-noon the rest of the week. Back to full time on Monday. I'll be glad to be back. Although I do like being able to visit people during the day. And see my hubby all but one day of the week. I've had lunch with him 6 out of 7 days for the last 6 weeks. I'm REALLY going to miss that. I'm going to miss him. I've been really spoiled. That is the only thing I'm sad about. Oh well. Back to real life.

2 Days

That's all I've got left...2 days. I (hopefully) go back to work on Wednesday. Hopefully because the dang doctor still hasn't called me back for my return to work release. She was off last week, but was supposed to be back on Friday. I'll call her in a couple hours. I'm really irked.
I was so bored....so damn bored...but now, that I am heading back to work, I'm bummed. Not because I don't want to go back to work, but because I had so much I wanted to do while I was off. I wanted to scrapbook. I wanted to visit friends and their babies, I wanted to visit my mom more for lunch. Now, I'm outta time. Go figure.
I am afraid I'll abandon my blog again. I'm afraid I won't have enough time, so I won't be able to post much. I'll try. I really want to try. I've enjoyed wriging so much over he last couple of weeks. Hopefully I'll be able to continue it.


********UPDATE************
Still haven't heard from the doctor. I called at 10am. It's now 5:30pm. Grrr. Will have to call AGAIN tomorrow...

Where were you?

Seven years ago today, my mom woke me up and told me to turn on the TV. My grandmother had passed away a few days before, and I was off work and school to attend her funeral. I was irritated because I had an hour left of sleep before I had to get up. Then, she told me a plane hit the World Trade Center. I thought she was crazy. It had to have been a horrible accident. Shortly after I turned on the TV, the second plane hit. I just cried. It was not an accident. I will never forget the horror I felt in that moment. The saddness. The worry for the people in the towers. The pain of the people who knew someone in the towers. The anger against the people who did it. Our world was forever changed. I think we all walked in a numb daze for weeks after that. Not understanding.
Less than 3 weeks before Eric and I started dating. After that moment, I never wanted to be away from him. It changed my outlook on life. I knew what I wanted, and now understood how delicate life is. My safe feeling was forever shattered. We were engaged just 2 short months later, and married a year after that. If 9/11 never happened, would things have happened that fast? Maybe, who knows. All I know was I didn't want to wait. And I wouldn't change anything.
I used to love to fly. Now, I notice everyone around me. Certain sounds scare me. It's not the same, and probably never will be. I still love to fly, but it just isn't the same.
Today, I have avoided watching the news. I guess today, even 7 years later, I want to avoid and deny the pain I feel. I can't imagine what the families must feel today. It is very, very sad.
I will never forget. I will always remember. I will some day tell my children about that day. Hopefully, the world will be a better safer place by then. All I know is, I will always remember what it was like before, and never forget what all those people went through on that day 7 years ago. And I will always be proud to be an American. IN GOD WE TRUST.

In/Un/Not Fertile.

Within the last year 2 of my in real life friends have confided in me their fertility issues. And I am so glad they had someone to confide in thats been there. BUT...

IT PISSES ME OFF. Seriously. Infertility pisses me off. It bull shit. It's crap. It should NEVER happen. I care about these two women very much. They shouldn't have to deal with it! When they told me...I cried. Not in front of them, but at home and for them. I wept. Shoulder shaking gasping for air sobbed for their pain.
I know what they are going through. Months of treatments. Meds that give hot flashes, cramping, moodiness. And months of complete total nearly unsurvivable heartache. If I could take it away from them and give them the babies they so desire, I would. In a heartbeat.

I remember reading in a book once, one of the many books I've read on dealing with infertility, and it states that everyone will beat it. Everyone will win. In one way or another. Whether it is by getting pregnant, adoption, surrogacy, or living child free, one way or another, you will be infertility.
While we haven't received our child. We are still waiting on the final draft of our homestudy to be on the waiting list. I feel like we are close. I feel like we've almost beat it. It's a good feeling.

I CAN'T wait for my friends to beat it. They read this blog, I don't know how often, but I know they read it. I want them to know I love them, and I'm pulling for them.

YOU WILL BEAT IT!

Doing well

I'm doing well, healing well. I'm going back to work 3 days earlier than originally planned. It's funny, as much as I have a love/hate relationship with work, I miss it. They even called yesterday to let me know they miss me and can't wait to have me back. Aww.
Monday was my first big day out since the surgery. My mom, Ruby and I went shopping. I hit the motherload! We first went to Gots/chalks. We found this dress I LOVED...but the tag said $134! Ok, some of you might be thinking "So". But, I just can't shop like that. I'm a bargain shopper, and just can't spend that much on clothes/shoes. So, my mom insisted I get it, because it said 60% off. It ended up being $37.99!!! I scored! I ended up with shorts, capris, a shirt, and 2 dresses for $125! Less than regular price of one dress! I got a bunch of other stuff because we are going on a cruise next month.. They are getting in all their fall/winter clothes so I had to get the summer clothes while I can!
We also finished the mural and painting of the babies room. We finished this over a month ago, but I just remembered to blog about it! Now we are shopping for furniture. We have limited space, so we are trying to find something that will fit nice in the room. We need a dresser/changing table combo, a crib, and a glider/rocker. We've found one we really like, but we need to look at a local store before we order it. We'll see. The picture above is the mural. I hope you all like it!!! I do! I can't wait to have the rest of the room in order. I don't want to spend the few days we have after a referral running around putting stuff together, so that will be one less thing to worry about. I'll try to remember to post a picture after we have the room all set up!
Other than that, nothing going on. Not much exciting to blog about when you sit on your butt watching TV and trying to heal!!!

Tagged

Well, I've been tagged by Laurie , one of my besties!

7 Odd things you may not know about me:

1) When I eat, I alternate bites on different sides of my mouth. It may be odd, but I like to give my teeth equal workouts!

2) I'm anal (and I mean anal) about my socks. I've mentioned this on here before, but if they aren't perfect, they dive me crazy. I've given by toes blisters trying to fix them after my shoes are already on.

3) I've never seen the Star Wars movies. I've seen episode 1, and that's it. Never the original 3.

4) I'm not really into video games. I like Super Mario type games. I can't get into the new stuff

5) I'm obsessed with football. I used to watch the draft, but was too busy this year. I LOVE football. I did before I met my hubby. I was just one of those girls that loved football.

6) I cannot eat the same thing every day. My hubby can eat the same thing every day, I have to have variety.

7) I'm the worlds worst procrastinator, but I'm also an overplanner. I want everything planned, I want to know what's going to happen at all times....but then I put the work off until the last minute. It's horrible!

I'm tagging Katie, Amanda, Heidi, and Holly. Four of my sorority sisters.
Also, Ruby, my other bestie!